Valentine's Day Thievery

The Thieves

Lovers in the act dispense
With such meum-tuum sense
As might warningly reveal
What they must not pick or steal,
And their nostrum is to say:
'I and you are both away.'

After, when they disentwine
You from me and yours from mine,
Neither can be certain who
Was that I whose mine was you.
To the act again they go
More completely not to know.

Theft is theft and raid is raid
Though reciprocally made.
Lovers, the conclusion is
Doubled sighs and jealousies
In a single heart that grieves
For lost honour among thieves.

—Robert Graves

The point of Buddhism is this lost honor; the loss of "you" and "I". It occurs during orgasm, but it occurs many other times. There is no activity or exercise that leads to giving up "self". It occurs naturally and spontaneously, without any contribution from the fantasy we call "myself". You can't force it to happen, but it happens all the time.

"Zen" means meditation, and Zen Buddhists spend a lot of time meditating, but there's nothing special about meditation. Picking one activity and calling it spiritual and elevating it above other activities is a bit silly. After you have sex, you get up and you go about your life, and everything involves "you" and "I". The same thing happens after meditation. You're not more selfless now that you've meditated, or more enlightened.

A large number of Buddhists practice tantra. A very small proportion of Tantric Buddhists engage in tantric sexual practices. It's not very common, but it gets a lot of attention. A lot of Buddhists frown on it and call it "dark" tantra, but it's like meditation; there's nothing wrong with it as long as you don't imagine that it's more spiritual than washing the dishes. Go to the act without knowing who is doing it. Lose your honor, whether you are having sex, meditating, or washing the dishes. Don't try to advance spiritually, or gain insight, or progress to a higher level. These are all forms of honor, baggage carried around by the self. Instead of worrying about what you're going to get from the act, just focus on the act.

Lap dances, computer programming, scrubbing the toilet; they're all the same. Whatever you are doing right now is the gateway to liberation.