Monday, March 17, 2008

To 5150

You wrote in a comment here:
...I kept doing it...over and over again...and I'll probably do it sometime in the future. Why? I haven't quite figured that part out yet.

St. Augustine wrote that he committed the same sins over and over. He also said that it was possible that he could commit them again.
When my mind speculates upon its own capabilities, it realizes that it cannot safely trust its own judgment, because its inner workings are generally so obscure that they are only revealed in the light of experience...
— Augustine Confessions X:34

In Zen we say that the eye doesn't see itself. The mind doesn't ask how it perceives, or why it makes certain decisions. Even neuroscientists don't investigate their own minds; they stick their electrodes in other peoples' brains.

People whose lives go well will probably never give any serious thought to this. It's the fuck-ups who notice that we are not what we think we are. With sins and failures comes the realization that we have no special knowledge. Without knowing who or what we are, without possessing wisdom or holiness, we have to allow the mind to operate blindly, trusting the act itself and accepting the consequences.
If a man wishes to be sure of the road he is traveling on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.
— St. John of the Cross, The Dark Night of the Soul

Not that we have any choice.

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